Running With Scissors, released June 26, 1999, is "Weird Al" Yankovic's 10th album, and his 4th that he produced himself. Featuring iconic parodies like The Saga Begins and All About The Pentiums, as well as fan favorite originals like Your Horoscope For Today and Albuquerque, this album is a personal favorite. But does it hold up under a track-by-track review? I sure hope so...
The Saga Begins
The first of two singles for this album and the first of three (formerly two) music videos The Saga Begins could be treated as a "spiritual sucessor" to Yoda. The track retells and sumarrizes The Phantom Menace. I like this track, however I've never seen The Phantom Menace, so the references fly over my head. However, I think it succeeds very well, and as an additional point for Weird Al's "nerd cred", the original draft of the song was based off of spoilers he plucked from Star Wars fan sites (which is something only a total geek would do in 1999), and it only needed minor changes after he went to see the movie's early screenings.
Rating: 8 Sith lords out of 10
My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder
I'll be honest, I don't know who Eddie Vedder is, so the jokes in this song fly over my head. However, it's an incredibly fun song to sing along to. My favorite part is probably the part where he called Eddie Vedder the "designated alienated spokesman for the disaffected grunge generation."
Rating: 7 ground molars out of 10
Pretty Fly for a Rabbi
A song making fun of Jewish stereotypes. I don't know if I'm the best person to speak on this song and whether it was OK, since I am very much not a jew. However, as this is a review of the album, I have to give my thoughts on the song. To that matter, I think it's alright. It's funny. Trying not to say much about it until I can ask someone who is Jewish.
Rating: X yarmulkes out of 10
The Weird Al Show Theme
Hey, the Weird Al Show! I own the entire series on DVD. I'm also a sucker for TV show themes. At just over 1 minute, this is definitely the longest song on the album. I heavily doubt there's any songs on this album longer than this one.
Rating: 8 jelly bean and pickle sandwiches out of 10
Good LORD this one did not age well. I suppose it's sort of lost on me given that I've never watched Jerry Springer, but honestly, I think this is my least favorite track on this album, if just for the use of words like transv****te, herm******ite, and sh***le. However, it is still quite a fun song to listen to and sing along to. Skipping the now-slurs, that is.
Rating: 6 episodes taped religiously out of 10
I love this song. I actually like it so much that I made a fan music video for it. Might even be my favorite song on side A. As demonstrated in the video, some of the lyrics just paint an incredibly vivid picture in my mind of what it is he's singing about.
And good lord, he is HOT when he performs it live.
Rating: 9 cans of disinfectant wipes out of 10
The final song on Side A, this is another one of Weird Al's classic polka medleys. His eighth, to be exact (unless you count the ones he's performed live before In 3-D.) Not much to say about this one, honestly. It's a polka medley. They're usually good.
Rating: 7 accordions out of 10
Your Horoscope For Today
I like this song. I even made a web app based on it! My 2nd favorite track on the album. Fun fact, the music video for this song didn't come out until 2023. That's 23 and a half years between the album releasing and the music video! However, I have to say that I feel like there were other fan favorite tracks on this album that deserved to have their Illustrated Al depiction turned into music videos.
Rating: 10 hours spent playing Whack-a-Mole out of 10
It's All About The Pentiums
From the fact that I named my Weird Al fansite "pentiums", you might think this is my favorite song on this album, but you'd be wrong. However, it is up there - a solid 3rd place, in fact. All of the insanely nerdy insults (alt.total-loser, "You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette", "As useless as JPEGs to Helen Keller", and "biggest joke on the Internet") really get it up there for me.
Rating: 10 terabytes out of 10
Truck Drivin' Song
The first Weird Al song I'd truly laughed my ass off at in a long time. The sudden twist is so hilarious that I almost don't feel like actually saying what it is. Actually, you know what? No. I'm not gonna tell you. Listen to it yourself.
Rating: 9 trucks out of 10
This song's funny, and because of it, I actually listen to some Cherry Poppin' Daddies. Because of that, I also quite like the original for this song, too. Just as The Saga Begins feels like a successor to Yoda, Grapefruit Diet feels like a successor to Fat.
Rating: 8 grapefruits out of 10
How do I describe it? I don't think I have words to explain just how damn much I love this song. I mean, it's a tall order to express that when you're talking about your favorite Weird Al song of all time, on your favorite Weird Al album of all time. I mean, come on. 11 minutes and 23 seconds of amusing anecdotes from the state of New Mexico.
s out of 10
In conclusion... well, to put it simply--
--THIS IS THE BEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME!!!!
Rating: 10 stabbed runners out of 10
Formats owned on: CD, cassette
Oh, take me back...